I’ve been doing a lot of thinking in terms of what direction I want to take my blog, and where I see myself in five years. I haven’t stayed true to the whole purpose of why I started my blog over a year ago. With so many new things happening this year–moving, renting out our old home, becoming pregnant with baby #2 and Keenan starting preschool–I lost focus.
When I was pregnant with Keenan, I received the usual comments from veteran moms that my life would be changed forever as soon as my child was born (which I completely agree with!), but I was told that my sense of self and identity would be lost, too: “Once you are a mom, you will let everything go–forget fitting into your skinny jeans or going shopping for yourself. Your kids will take priority and you will have nothing left for yourself.” When I heard these words from multiple moms, I was shocked. I knew my life would be different, and I was excited about it! I always wanted to be a mom, so I couldn’t wait for Keenan to be born. But, was my life doomed? Would I ever be able to shop for myself, again,or have a girls day and get pedicures before all the kids went off to college? Would I not lose the baby weight, and be destined to wear matronly clothes and muumuus the rest of my life? Would I not be able to pursue my passion for health and fitness and focus on my career? Could I not be a mom who balanced her professional aspirations with raising children?
With all of the naysayers, I was determined to be a mom first and foremost, but still have my identity and sense of self. I was determined to stay fit and wear my skinny jeans, go shopping for myself (although, I knew it would be much harder to find the time and a little more financially challenging), and pursue my passion for health and wellness, making my career goals fit with my new role as a mom. I wanted to be able to find that balance (which I hope is not impossible!), while being there for my family every step of the way.
Being a mommy doesn’t always mean sacrifice of yourself or your identity, and with that, Fit ‘n’ Well Mommy was born. I have always been driven and determined, but I also didn’t want to succumb to all the naysayers and let myself go. I’ve known those women who just let everything go and hang out (literally and figuratively) once they had children. They made excuses as to why they couldn’t take care of themselves, while they complained they would never lose their baby weight and fit into their pre-pregnancy clothes again. These same women never spent a dime on themselves, as they felt it all needed to go to their children.
I wanted Fit ‘n’ Well Mommy to be a source of sharred inspiration and honesty, providing helpful resources to lead a healthy and fit lifestyle. I hope that one day it can also provide a forum for new moms to meet others and gain support while you are experiencing the same things. I also want it to be an outlet, allowing all of us to reflect on the difficult times of child rearing, the warm and fuzzy moments, and the most laugh-out-loud funny times that validate why you had kids in the first place. Lastly, I want it to help other new moms gain the confidence to not lose themselves just because they became a mother.
Don’t get me wrong, our family lives within a strict budget, especially since I quit working to stay home with Keenan and pursue my health and wellness business, but spending a little bit on yourself doesn’t have to cost a lot. If joining a gym is too expensive, there are plenty of free home workouts out there (youtube, TV, blogs like mine!). Investing in a few basic items like free weights, mat and a jump rope can go along way. As for shopping, discount stores like Marshalls are great and good pedicures don’t have to cost more than $25 (at least at the place that I visit!). If nothing else, just take some time each day for yourself be active, take a bubble bath, or read your favorite book or magazine. Most importantly, invest in yourself so you can be your best self for your family.
People often ask me what I do, and I tell them I wear many hats. I stay home with Keenan (which I do), but I’m also a blogger and I’m building my own coaching business (personal training in CrossFit and wellness coaching) all while Keenan sleeps and attends preschool. Instead of losing my identity and sense of self after I had Keenan, I believe I actually gained a new sense of self, identity and direction in life. I love spending my days with Keenan while still being able to pursue my personal career goals one step at a time. Things are a slow process when nap and bed times are really my only “work” hours, but I consider it progress, not perfection, as Laura says!
Life is busy, even busier than when I worked full-time (50+ hours a week) before I had Keenan (and working part-time after I had him). Would I trade it for something else? Absolutely not! I love what I do. I love my new role as a mom and I’m constantly trying to find the right balance with work and family. There will always be that nagging mommy guilt; I don’t think any mom will tell you they don’t struggle with it. It’s constantly a juggling act: Finances are definitely more difficult with virtually only one income , but I haven’t lost myself. I’m still finding ways to take time for myself by working out daily, indulging in a little shopping here and there, and enjoying the occasional pedicure, so that I can be my best self for my family.
I hope I didn’t bore you. This is the first in a series of posts. Including everything in a single post would be WAY too much for anyone to digest, so I’m splitting my thoughts for you. More to come…
Questions:
If you are a mom, how do you find balance?
How did life change for you once you became a mother?
For those who aren’t mothers yet, what have veteran mothers told you about becoming one?
Great post Melissa! Such a great idea to tell people you wear many different hats. It’s so true! I look forward to the rest of this series!
Thanks, Giselle! I don’t think we as moms give ourselves enough credit for all that we do!
Not being a mom yet I have also heard the things that you did. However I also am determined to still be my own person and find some time for myself without sacrificing anything for my kid(s). I think it helps having a supportive husband so that you can do those things as well. While I know it will be much harder I don’t think it will be impossible. Especially seeing others such as yourself making it possible while still being a fantastic mom. Determination is key. And knowing when and how to go about it.
Thanks, Tina. Although it’s harder, it certainly isn’t impossible to take time for yourself and be your own person, in addition to being a mother. You are right, determination is key and you will do it! You will make a great mom!
Melissa- you are beautiful. Although I’m not a mother quite yet, I found everything about this post to be absolutely wonderful. You truly are a superstar! Both Keenan, your husband and baby #2 are so lucky to have you in their lives. Continue being you & listening to your heart <3
Thanks, Jessie. You are always so sweet!
Great post and you are so right – it is important that all moms still take time to be true to themselves. I think that having your own identity helps make you a better mom. When my boys were little, I needed some time to myself at least every few days.
Thank you! I think it’s vital for moms to be true to themselves, otherwise regret, guilt and resentment can set in which isn’t good for anyone.
Oh yes! I got those comments too, and it made me even more determined not to lose my sense of self and identity. Like you, it makes life a little crazier than if I was only a sahm but I love it! Thanks for the shout out, too!
It definitely does make life a little crazier, but as you said, I love it and wouldn’t have it any other way! I love your words of progress, not perfection. It is SO true!
Great post–and a great point: “invest in yourself so you can be your best self for your family.” It’s important to not only be a great mom, but to be a great person–in body, mind, and spirit. Your roles may be wife, co-worker or boss, friend, family member–you are many things. Your life becomes unbalanced if you focus on just your kids or just your work. I like the Wheel of Life exercise I use in my coaching practice. It has 8 areas of your life that you rate, then you focus on nurturing those areas that need some attention. I get it: when kids are little, they need more attention than they do as they grow up. However, it shouldn’t keep you from focusing on yourself, on your relationships with others, and on life. I like your “serious” post, Melissa! Can’t wait for the next one!
Thanks, Nicole! I absolutely agree with you on body, mind and spirit! Without taking care of yourself in all three of these areas, how can you be your best self? I look forward to seeing you again!