We are still sick over here. Unfortunately, Keenan woke up with a hoarse voice and a slight cough this morning, so he is coming down with the same thing as what my husband and I have. Ugh! I feel a little better today, as I don’t have a headache or sinus pressure, but now things have moved to my chest and I have a horrible cough. Oh, the joys of being sick! Once we are all well, I’m going to do some serious sanitizing throughout our house!
On a more fun note, my brother and niece flew in last night from Montreal, to stay with my parents and us for the week. My brother has work in the area, so he decided to bring my niece a long. When Keenan woke up this morning, he was SUPER-excited to play with her (despite not feeling 100%)! They started the day off with a big hug and then played non-stop until lunch time; it was too cute! They are like brother and sister, playing together nicely one minute, but having a few sharing issues the next. They both enjoy playing together and are very sweet to each other, so it’s fun to see them together (especially, since it’s only a few times a year). When my mom came to pick up my brother and niece, Keenan was already sad to see them go. I am hoping we all get better soon, so Keenan and I can go down to my parents’ house later this week.
Cousins!
Speaking of playing and toddlers, as Keenan is playing with other children at play dates, the gym, with his cousin, etc., I’m starting to see the influences of other kids (both positive and negative). I knew this would happen, but I guess I didn’t expect this to happen so soon. He’s definitely learned some positive concepts, but they’ve come hand-in-hand with negative things, too. In the past month, he has picked up different phrases, such as “Stop that,” “Don’t do that,” “I don’t want to talk about that,” or “I can’t!” They might not seem that bad, but he has learned to use them in situations that we don’t like, such as when we are disciplining him. Sometimes when we use distraction to talk about something else, if we can see a meltdown coming down the line, he will say, “No, I don’t want to talk about that!” It can be so frustrating because this is not what we have taught him, nor behavior my husband and I condone. I’m not sure if what my husband and I are doing is the best approach, but every time Keenan says something or behaves in a way that is not what we accept, we tell him that what he is saying and doing is not how we behave in our house and in our family. Fortunately, it isn’t too often that this occurs, but I do find myself correcting his behavior and saying that to him at least a few times a week. I can only imagine what it will be like when he is in school! (My husband grins and says, “Wait until he’s a teenager…”)
Just last week, Keenan learned the word “gun”, and how to make one from legos. Although my husband hunts and I grew up with my brothers and dad hunting, I am having a hard time with him using the word, “gun.” I am not afraid of guns, since I grew up around them, but since Keenan is only 2, he doesn’t understand the concept of them. Though my husband has been very careful about not letting Keenan see his rifles and shotgun, yet, and all weapons are properly stored at our house, he and I worry that Keenan’s belief that guns are “fun” and “toys” could lead to a dangerous situation if he’s ever around firearms in an uncontrolled setting. My husband thinks he might need to have a “these are ouchie, so never touch them, and tell Mommy or Daddy if you see one” talk, but he’s not sure if it will even be effective, now, or just make things worse. I’m struggling with how to handle this. Do I correct him and tell him not to make a gun out of his legos, or do I just let it go? I know boys will be boys, so it’s almost inevitable that he will pretend to play with guns, but Keenan just seems too young for it.
Our silly little guy enjoying some Rocky Mountain Popcorn (review coming soon!) yesterday for his afternoon snack!
I know that what I am describing is so minor compared to when kids are school-age and being influenced by other kids on the playground or what they see at other houses and on TV, but it is still frustrating. My husband and I are raising Keenan to be a confident, honest, genuine and sweet boy, and it can be so aggravating when we see him play with other children who are already exhibiting bullying behavior at a very young age. I know that everyone has different values and morals, but I didn’t realize how much of a difference it would make when raising your own child. These are the times when I wish I could just keep Keenan in a bubble, but then, that wouldn’t be the best for him either. We both agree that he isn’t some Perfect Angel that will never do anything wrong, and we’ll always work to make him understand what it means to be a nice person, and to play and live well with others. He needs to be exposed to different situations (as much as I might not like it!), learn how to deal with other people, any conflict, and life in general. As a parent, I need to set boundaries on what is acceptable behavior and what is not, provide guidance, give him the right tools and most importantly, give him the confidence to be himself when interacting with others.
Questions:
– For all of you veteran mommies out there, how do you handle the influence of other children (positive or negative)? When your child picks up a negative word or behavior from other children, how do you address it?
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I think the best way to handle negative influence is to do what you are already doing…explain that that is not what we do or say in our house. We can’t shield our kids from all of the negative behaviors in the world. All we can do is set positive influences in their lives so that they know the difference between good and bad. And make sure they don’t take it too far, like when one of my girls told an old lady in the target parking lot that she littered and littering is bad. Oops.
Thanks, Cecilia. Even though I wish I could protect Keenan from all the bad in the world, I know I can’t. Doesn’t every parent want to keep their child sweet and innocent? But, as you said, setting a positive example for them is one of the best things that we can do as parents. That is too funny what your little girl said! I love that kids are so literal!
We have had the same thing happen with our little one… the phrases they pick up, and ours is from cousin! It is hard, especially since he is older and has started school, he gets phrases from school then she picks them up from him. Because it is cousin, we want them to stay close… what to do!? We have spent a lot of time talking about what is appropriate and what is not and now that she is 4 (just turned!), it does seem like all of our talking is sinking in. We have also had issues because she has always been SO verbal and linguistics is her strength, she picks up accents within a day. When we went to Georgia for a week when she was 2 1/2 she had a southern drawl for almost 6 months and still pulls it out occasionally. The southern drawl we didn’t mind, but cousin has some speech problems and she will instantly mimic and pick up those as well. She is old enough that we can tell her, “We don’t speak that way,” and she will simply say Okay and change back to her own speech pattern. For us consistency and letting our expectations of her be known, have been our two main points of focus. It takes so much patience though… it REALLY bothers me, but I try not to let that frustration show :/
It’s so good to know that we aren’t the only ones. It really bothers me too, and I try hard not to show it, but it is definitely frustrating! Our focus is also to be consistent in letting Keenan know our expectations of him, i.e what behaviors (and words) are acceptable and what ones are not, so I’m hoping it eventually sinks in! 🙂
Consistency is key. Make sure to explain that different families all have different rules, and just because one family is OK with one thing, doesn’t mean it’s OK for him. It’s a little hard for kids to understand that, but he will get it eventually. The biggest “word” issue we had was when Noah was 4. He came home from preschool and was saying “what the foo foo?!” frequently. He had no idea what he was saying, or what the “saying” was replacing. I also wasn’t ready to explain to him what the F word was and that what he was saying was replacing it, he was FOUR! It took a long time of constant “that is not an acceptable phrase” before he finally stopped saying it.
As far as the gun thing goes… good luck. I was never exposed to guns all that much, and didn’t really like them before becoming a parent, but I will say, if you try to keep your kid from playing guns, it will only get worse! I don’t think Keenan is too young at all to start talking to him about gun safety and appropriate gun “play” (legos, sticks, etc.) PBJ sandwiches frequently are eaten into guns at our house, despite a “no playing at the table” AND “no guns at the table” rules! Usually in regards to any topic, giving kids a quick, concise explanation that feeds their curiosity but isn’t overwhelming is the best route in my experience. Parenting is a wild adventure with a new twist every moment! I hope you all feel better soon!
Thanks, Sarah! I feel like I’m a broken record sometimes, but just as you said, I believe consistency is key. I agree, we aim to keep explanations short and sweet, to not overwhelm Keenan. Since Drew hunts and has guns, we have already started to teach him about safety and that they are “ouchie” and to never touch them. But, I definitely think I need to talk with him about appropriate gun play. He has only made guns out of his legos and yesterday, his peanut butter and honey sandwich, so I’m glad we aren’t the only household with “gun sandwiches!” You are so right in saying parenting is a wild adventure! There is never a dull moment, that is for sure!
Oh my, that’s a tough one! I also grew up around guns and we have them in our house (also stored properly) but I worry about them with Ayden. The topic in itself makes me nervous and I’m not sure how I would handle the play gun talk. I’m sure we’ll have it soon too since Ayden see’s gun when we visit my family or my in-laws and that might be something my husband and I discuss how to handle soon. Thanks for brining it up!
As far as influence from other kids you’re right to correct the behavior and remind him of your rules. The sooner and earlier you establish and maintain consistency with what’s appropriate, the easier it will be down the line 🙂
The gun talk is definitely a hard one. I was just hoping we wouldn’t have to approach it until Keenan was older!
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You’re wonderful! Thank you!